Leave the ‘therapy speak’ for counselling sessions

In the last five to seven years, many psychological terms, which were earlier ensconced within the safe space of therapy rooms, have found a way into social media and become part of people’s vocabulary — ‘holding space’, ‘not having bandwidth’, labelling a broad range of experiences with strong words like ‘trauma’ and ‘enmeshment’, have significantly increased.
We are living at a time when there is great awareness about mental health – it is also a time where context, nuance, sensitivity and compassion are lost when these psychological terms are used to label others or one’s own actions. This ‘therapy speak’ where the common man may have a sematic understanding, often leaves very little scope for empathy, and leads to labelling and villainizing others. It has become a way to diagnose others and resulted in a culture of mistrust and polarization.
As a therapist, I’m wary of using these terms very early on and even if they are mentioned, it’s always tentative and used within a framework that’s based on a hypothesis and evidence. They have to be examined in the context of unique client experiences and definitely not overgeneralized.
One of the words that has extensively been misunderstood and misconstrued is ‘vulnerability’. Over the years, in pop culture its definition has been diluted and comes with lot of myths attached to it. We are living at a time where ‘vulnerability’ is still considered to be a weakness and at the same time on social media and in pop culture narratives, it has been put on a pedestal. Both these narratives can come in the way of how we understand the emotion.
‘Vulnerability’ is a sign of courage and at the same time we have a choice about when, what and who we are vulnerable to. I remember reading a post on social media, which mentioned how ‘being vulnerable is the new peer pressure’. This lens forces people to share, overshare and then prematurely offer information.
We need to build trust in relationships, before we choose to be vulnerable. It’s something that needs to be gradually earned and we need to feel psychologically safe before we choose to be vulnerable. In therapy, I often tell clients that seeking treatment or therapy is a private matter and people can choose whether they want to share it or not. The distinction between what is private versus what becomes public must be mindfully navigated and the pressure to be vulnerable all the time makes it hard to do that. When clients express a desire to be vulnerable with others, I generally ask them to examine their own needs, psychological safety and how being vulnerable can help their relationships.
What seems to emerge again in therapy sessions is that conversations around vulnerability if misconstrued can take the form of attacks and be perceived as coming from a place of superiority without any space for dialogue. On the other hand, being vulnerable and authentic also means building space for kindness, empathy and patience. It requires us to step away from our impulse, pause and instead of rage texting – examine what we are feeling and express it in a way that allows resolution.
I remember a client telling me how when there was miscommunication with a friend, they felt a long personal text which emphasized on vulnerability felt like they were weaponizing it to prove their stance rather than discuss or make space for repair. If we were to as adults, step into a space of vulnerability we also need to build kindness, engagement and trust as a part of it. One of those difficult things that adulting comes with, which we only learn with lived experiences.